


Alvida, Mama

by signed_aj



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Canon Gay Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gay, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Jetri, M/M, Night Terrors, Oneshot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sad, Survivor Guilt, Wakes & Funerals, Wayhaught - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 04:08:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22647676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/signed_aj/pseuds/signed_aj
Summary: Jeremy's been suffering from constant night terrors of the night his mother died and survivor's guilt from the circumstances that surround it. After opening up to Robin about the guilt he feels, they round everyone up at three in the morning for funeral that never got to happen.
Relationships: Jeremy Chetri & Robin, Jeremy Chetri/Robin, Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught
Kudos: 11





	Alvida, Mama

“Don’t give up, never ever give up on what you want, Jeremy. Do you hear me? Jeremy? Jeremy?”

Jeremy jerked into consciousness, reaching for the right side of his body, trying to free himself from an imaginary restraint. His body locked in fear and the memories of pain and heartbreak started to suffocate him.

He closed his eyes and breathed in, trying to pretend that it wasn’t bothering him, that he wasn’t feeling anything, wasn’t re experiencing the same pain he felt over a decade before that moment. 

“Jeremy?” said the voice again. This time it wasn't his mom, it wasn’t a memory. “Jeremy, I’m right here.”

Jeremy let out a sudden sob and sunk into Robin’s chest, hiding his face and his shame.

“Hey, love. I’ve got you. I got you.”

It was the second time that Jeremy had spent the night. The second time that Robin had been awoken to Jeremy thrashing around in his sleep, screaming for someone that wasn’t there. Screaming for his mom to wake up, to not leave him there alone.

“It’s my fault,” Jeremy cried. “It’s my fault. She was picking me up. She’d be alive if it wasn’t for me.”

“Jer…” Robin sighed, holding Jeremy against him as tight as he could. “Whatever you think you did, you didn’t. It’s not your fault.”

“You don’t understand!” Jeremy yelled, pushing against Robin’s chest and moving to sit alone at the end of the bed. “I- I got invited to a sleepover when I was eleven. She warned me that they’d be mean to me because they’d been mean to me in the past too. She told me she didn’t trust them, but I’d never had friends before so I was so excited that I didn’t listen. She was right, she was always right.

“I asked her to come pick me up in the middle of the night. She’d been in such a rush to come and get me that she’d forgotten to put her seat belt on. She was trying to make me feel better so she didn’t see the turn in the road and ended up in the other lane and we didn’t see the car in time and it ran us off the road.”

“You were a kid,” Robin told him, pressing a hand against Jeremy’s bare back. “You’re freezing, Jer.”

“I’m fine, Robin,” Jeremy said, shrugging him off.

“How often do you have night terrors like this?”

Jeremy shrugged, “I don’t know. It happens a lot when I feel like I’m hurting people or being a bother to the people around me.”

“You feel like you’re hurting someone?”

“Yeah! I feel like I hurt everyone when I didn’t say something about Dolls. I let him and everyone else down.” Jeremy spat, putting his head in his hands. “But it’s probably just because today’s the day she died and I’ve been thinking about it a lot. But I told you, I’m fine. 

“You’re not fine,” Robin told him. “You’ve got survivor's guilt.”

“Wouldn’t you? If you’d killed your own mom.”

“You didn’t kill anyone, Jer. You wouldn’t kill anyone even if you had to.”

Jeremy looked at his hands and Robin moved to sit next to him, wrapping an arm around him. Jeremy rested his head on Robin’s shoulder and let himself cry like he’d never been able to around other people.

“She would have loved you,” he whispered. “In our culture, everyone has arranged marriages and she told me all the time she would have hated making me marry some girl, because no girls were good enough for me. I think that was her way of saying she knew I was gay. Indian mother intuition.”

“Your mom had the gaydar?” Robin asked.

Jeremy smiled a little, “Oh, one hundred percent. She used to tell me all about what she wanted for my future. Never said she wanted me to be a doctor or anything like that, which I was always grateful for. She said she wanted me to be happy. Fall in love with someone who loved Star Wars and animals as much as I do. Wanted me to find a career that filled my soul with happiness. She said she didn’t care if that was being a scientist or an actor or a missionary. She said that if it put a smile on my face everyday, then it was worth it.”

“Do you think you did that?”

“I examine demon goo and kiss the most beautiful man in the world everyday,” Jeremy said as if it was obvious. “The only that would make me happier was if I woke up everyday and didn’t have to look at the urn with my mom’s burnt remains in it everyday.”

Robin kissed the top of Jeremy’s head and rocked him in his arms. He hummed along to the soft jazz that almost always played on the record player in the corner of his room.

“It all happened so fast that I didn’t even get to say goodbye,” Jeremy told him after a few minutes of silence. “We didn’t even have a real funeral for her.”

Robin hugged Jeremy again and stood up. He pulled a fresh shirt out of his closet and found the one he’d been wearing that day before Jeremy had taken it off of him and handed it to Jeremy.

“I know you like to steal my shirts after I wear them,” he told Jeremy, pulling on the clean shirt and searching for a couple pairs of sweatpants.

Jeremy blushed and pulled the shirt over his head, “Why are we getting dressed? It’s three in the morning.”

Robin handed him a pair of sweatpants, “I’ve got a plan, but if you don’t wanna go through with it, the twenty four hour diner has french fries.”

Jeremy hopped into the sweatpants that were a way too long for him and cuffed the ankles in a cute gay roll while Robin told him what the plan was.

“What do you think?” Robin asked cautiously. “I totally understand if you don’t-”

Jeremy kissed him gently and grabbed Robin’s keys off the dresser, “God you make me happy.”

Robin smiled and the two crept out of the dark house, Robin leaving a note for his dad that he might not be home until later. 

After stopping at Jeremy’s house, Robin drove slowly, holding Jeremy’s hand while Jeremy hugged his mom’s urn in his other arm. Every once and a while the reality of the situation would hit him and Jeremy would start to cry, feeling overwhelmed in so many emotions. Robin would just kiss his knuckles and remind Jeremy how much he loved him. 

When they pulled up to the bar, Robin picked the lock of the front door with two bobby pin and they slipped inside, trying not to look too suspicious to anyone walking past at three in the morning. 

“Upstairs,” Jeremy whispered into the darkness. “Careful, he might have someone up there with him.”

The sound of a gun being cocked stopped Robin in his tracks. Instinctively his arms went up in surrender, but Jeremy kept his arms wrapped tight about the urn.

“How dumb do you have to be to break into the bar of the fastest gun slinger to ever live?” Doc asked into the darkness.

“Where are the lights?” Robin whispered to Jeremy.

“Past the bar,” Jeremy told him.

After Robin ran into several chairs, the lights turned on and Doc lowered his gun. He was disheveled and nothing but wearing his underwear and the look on his face was a mixture of annoyed and confused.

“What the hell are you two doing in here?” he yelled, looking them both over. “Are you already there Jeremy? You do look as though you’ve been crying.”

“We need your help with something, if you wouldn’t mind lending a hand,” Robin told him.

“Who’s in that?” he asked, pointing to the urn. “Now, Jeremy, I am fine with helping you hide evidence if it was an honest mistake.” 

Jeremy looked at him in shock, “My mom! Who do you think I am?” 

“My bad,” Doc said, scratching the back of his head. “What can I help you two with?”

Doc’s car zipped past them once they’d gotten back onto the street. Jeremy stared down at the urn and kissed the top of it.

“I look just like her,” he told Robin.

“Gorgeous, then?” Robin asked, smirking a little.

“Stunning,” Jeremy agreed. “She had the most contagious smile, the biggest belly laughs, and the kindest eyes.”

“Sounds like you and her are a lot alike,” Robin told him, kissing his knuckles. 

“I think so. She’s the kind of person that I’ve always aspired to be like. Kind and funny and smart.”

“You’re one of the only people I’ve ever met that aspires to be like their parents. Also one of the only people where that’s such a good thing. Because everything you’ve told me about her just reflects in you and you are such a good thing.”

They pulled up into the Homestead, headlights shining through the windows. Wynonna was opening the front door before they were even out of the car. She pointed Peacemaker at them, staring into the dark.

“Who goes there?” she asked.

“You know, you’re the second person to point a gun at us tonight,” Jeremy told her, leaning against Robin.

“And there’s another one,” Robin said, pointing at Nicole who was coming out of the house in a tank top and pants she’d obviously just pulled on and a gun pointed at them. Waverly was trailing behind her wearing nothing but Nicole’s police shirt. 

“It’s the boys,” Wynonna called, lowering her gun. Nicole followed in suit and Waverly waved at them.

“What are you two doing here?” she asked. “It’s three in the morning.”

“And why are you holding an urn?” Nicole asked.

Wynonna’s eyes widened, “Did you kill someone?”

“No!” Jeremy yelled. “It’s my mom! Why’s everyone think I’m a murderer? I wanted to ask you guys to help me bury her…”

Robin wrapped an arm around Jeremy, sensing his anxiety and sadness.

“Doc’s already there, he wants you guys to be there too.”

The three girls looked between each other and nodded.

“Clothes,” Waverly said, motioning at her bare legs. “Give us a minute and we’ll meet you out here, yeah?”

Jeremy smiled a little and watched them retreat inside. He turned around to face Robin and rested his head on Robin’s chest.

“You look really cute in my clothes,” Robin told him, hugging him to try and keep him warm against the cold.

“We’re kinda matching,” Jeremy said, grinning. “Black shirts and gray sweatpants.”

“Dare I say that we are goals?” Robin gushed.

When the girls stumbled out of the house in sweaters, sweatpants, and boots they jumped into Wynonna’s truck and started to follow Robin’s car up the hill and then off the road and onto the tracks of Doc’s car that had already come that way. Soon their headlights hit Doc who was finishing up digging a small hole in the ground.

“This is where Dolls-” Wynonna started to say as she got out of her truck and walked to where they were all starting to gather. Her eyes drifted towards the newly growing grass where Dolls had been buried just a month before. A few feet away Doc was busy making sure that the hole was adequate.

“You got this,” Robin told Jeremy, kissing the side of his head as they all gathered around the hole.

“I know you guys never met my mom, but you know the story. She died in a car accident when I was eleven… Uh, believe it or not, I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up… or into my adulthood. My mom was my number one supporter, though She was my best friend growing up, and no matter what happened, she wanted me to be the happiest kid I could. The one thing she wanted for me more than anything was for me to have real friends and up until I met you guys, I didn’t think I’d ever have real friends.”

Jeremy looked at the urn, trying to hide the tear running down his face.

“She may be one of us, but she’s part of me. And she died trying to protect me, just like Dolls died trying to protect all of us. I may be new to the gang, but you guys are the closest thing to family that I’ve had since she died.”

Waverly wrapped her arms around him while he spoke, tears streaming down her face just like his.

“You’re just as much a part of this family as any of us, Jerbear.” 

“I just wanted to ask if it was okay with everyone that I buried her here, cause I know someday, I want to be buried here too.”

“Awe Jer,” Nicole sobbed, hugging him from behind. 

“Of course, kiddo,” Wynonna told him, ruffling his hair. “I couldn’t have picked a better place for someone who made our little nerd who he is.”

Slowly, Jeremy made his way to the opening in the ground and stared into it, holding his mom as close to him as possible.

“The last thing she told me before she died was to never, ever give up one what I want. And I never have. Now I’ve the coolest job anyone could ever want. I’ve got the most incredible boyfriend. And I’ve got a family. So thank you guys for everything you’ve done for me, because you’ve opened me up so much as a person and I think I’m finally the person she wanted me to be because of you guys.”

“What was her name, Jer?” Nicole asked, hugging a crying Waverly.

“Janya,” Jeremy told them. “Janya Chetri.”

Putting her in the ground became the hardest thing Jeremy had ever done. He just sat on his knees preparing for something he’d never thought that he’d be able to do. It felt like letting go of her urn would be letting go of her forever.

Robin sat next to him and rubbed his back, “Take your time, love.”

“I just never thought I’d actually be saying goodbye,” Jeremy sobbed.

“Here,” said Robin, holding out a small chain with a heart charm at the end of it. “I’ve had this since I was really little. They hold ashes for you to carry with you… It was supposed to be for my dad but when I told him about how Nicole wants to be eaten by vultures, he took to that idea over cremation so I don’t need it anymore.”

Jeremy reached out with a shaking hand and took it from him.

“Thank you,” he whispered, trying to unscrew the top. 

Doc took it from his quivering fingers and opened it. He helped fill it with the ashed from the urn and closed it again.

“We’ll be here no matter how long it takes, Jeremy. You’ve got us for however long you need. ”

“Thanks, Doc,” Jeremy told him, taking the necklace again and squeezing it in his hand. “For helping and being here.”

“Whatever you need,” Doc told him, patting him on the back.

Jeremy took a shaking breath and kissed the top of the urn one last time before setting it into the hole and pulling a bright red scarf from his pocket and setting it in as well. He stood and wrapped his arms around Robin’s waist.

Waverly and Nicole joined them and then Wynonna joined to watch Doc start to cover the hole with dirt.

Jeremy held the necklace up to his heart as he cried.

“Alvida, mama,” he whispered.

“What’s that mean?” Nicole asked.

“Goodbye.”


End file.
